Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
