Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
