Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
