Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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