Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
