my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
