Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
