its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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