Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
