I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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