i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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