the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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