wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
