I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
