K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
