I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
