Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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