Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Welp...herpes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
