Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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