I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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