benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
