Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Randomize
