The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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