she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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