I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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