Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
