Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
