Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
