she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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