Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
