just tell him i said nine months
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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