nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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