walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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