Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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