He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
