how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
