I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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