last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
