she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
