It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
