Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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