Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
