Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
