pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
