i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
