Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
