I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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