Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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