I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
