we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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