obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
