my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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