I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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