I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
