What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just had sex bonerless
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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